You were never a virgin.

You were never “pure”

You were never a perfect, innocent baby, untouched by the dirtiness that is…. sex

 

Your body was the universe

Your pussy dripped nectar

You could never give her away, you were Whole

to begin with

 

It was a lie. It was not a myth, it was an outright, purposeful lie. It was meant to keep you small. It was meant to keep you quiet, tender, tending… to everybody else’s needs and desires.

When your body becomes something that you can Lose, that you can have Taken from you, that you can Give away to the wrong person, that you can disgrace your family with

Your body is no longer your own.

It becomes this thing that is part yours, because you can touch it, but you’re told to not touch it, to not understand it because it’s wrong, actually. But you also must not give it away to just anyone, and you must not lose it to the wrong person. Do not lose your body. You must only give it away when you choose, when it is God’s time, when you are already trapped forever with someone who gets to take you away from yourself. But you were never your own, because you could not discover yourself in the first place.

Or maybe you were allowed to

give yourself

away before marriage.

Maybe you were told that you could give yourself away whenever you chose, but that you should choose someone who you loved deeply, someone who you loved deeply enough to give yourself away to.

Or maybe you were told nothing at all

Just nothing

at

all

 

If masturbation was hidden, and shameful, and wrong… and your body was something that you gave to others… what did that leave you with?

Nothing

 

It would have made sense if you tried to give your body to whoever seemed to want it.

It would have made sense if you tried to understand yourself through other people

It would have made sense if you drank to try to forget you were ever in your body in the first place

It would have made sense if you shut yourself off from the neck down

And you focused on being a career, woman career woman be a career, woman

 

It would have made sense, even

If you had yourself stolen from you by someone who just wanted it

And you didn’t know How to say no because you didn’t belong to yourself, so how could you

stand up for yourself

Or maybe you said no but no one listened, because he knew your body was something he deserved to Take

 

 

But it was all a lie.

 

You can wake up from the dream, now

 

You touched yourself when you were a child because your body is wondrous, it is delightful, it is built for pleasure and to make you feel good.

You were always your own to explore

The truth

is that if you were built up, empowered, strengthened in your sexuality

you would have formed an understanding

of who you wanted to share this with and when you wanted to share it,

naturally

You would not have had to search outside for pleasure

You would not have had to search outside for validation

you would have known it on your own

You would have known

your body is a medium

your body is a time machine

your body is outer space

your body is everything, at once

And maybe, in this world

he would have known your body was your own, too

 

You would stand

Radiant in your own power

Steady in your softness

You would know

Your pleasure comes from you

Your body is already. Whole

Your sex fills you up

You’d share it when you were already full

You’d share your overflow

You’d share it only to please yourself

 

You were never a virgin.

The number of people inside you never mattered

The amount of people who saw your body never

decreased your

value

No one has ever been able to take anything away from you

 

You believed their lie, and you

gave your own energy away

 

And you can have it back whenever you want.

 

Wake up darling

 

You belong to yourself

You always have

belonged to yourself.

 

Wake up

wake

up

 

 

If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:

It’s not your fault: how past sexual experiences limit your sex life today

Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck

The same experiences you can have with psychedelics are possible through sex

Women are unsafe in the world. And, we don’t have to make our decisions from a place of fear

If you think you have to “train” men, this is for you

 

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