I did not know I was restricting food

What I want you to understand Is that I did not know I was restricting Food I did not sit down to each meal and think I will eat less I ate what I wanted I said I ate how much I wanted What I wanted was just tiny Because I was a Good Woman What I wanted was Healthy With a capital H depending

I do not miss being skinny

I do not miss being skinny I do not miss wanting my abdomen to look like a thin hard board I do not miss my knuckles jutting out My veins Showing how little of me existed I do not miss looking Hollow I love resting my hands on my belly Underneath her fold Right above my pussy Warm, cozy Body I love each new streak

Imperfect ritual

The other day I sat at the top of a bank, overlooking the ocean. I had thought as I left the house that I would walk to the ocean and I would bring it something. I like to bring the ocean other pieces of nature – usually flowers. But the closest thing I had was a basil plant, so I picked a piece of basil

This body will birth babies

This body will birth babies Mountains and valleys Hidden in her Shape Well-fed Body Woman Body Ripples, and Lightning strikes Streak across her Skin. Married Body Tender Body Swollen with Trust And the choice of Life This body will birth babies They will suck Milky soft Breast They will rest their heads On a round Tummy This body Is The garden of life ______ This

My journey with my medicine

I spent most of my adult life burying it. Trying to dress it up as something else. The little girl who talked to plants and her awe and wonder for existence was not enough. I wanted to be sex. To be darkness. To be something more purple, black, red, dripping pink. When trauma happened I latched onto it. I would be the one who knew

Ten years later

– if you are newer to me and aren’t familiar with this part of my journey, it might help to read last year’s post (click on this, it doesn’t look clickable but it is) before reading this. Today has been 10 years. I find myself, for the first time, not that interested in writing. Every year for ten years on this day I have made

Everything to do with my food journey & weight gain in chronological order

this photo was taken in June. Hi loves! My food journey has turned into something bigger than I could ever have imagined (honestly, I thought I was just going to write the first article and be done with it, lol – but that has not been the case!) And I have been updating about it wherever I’ve felt like it – that means there are

I have never owned shorts like this in my life

The video that went along with this is here. I have never ever owned shorts like this in my life. ⁣ ⁣ I had Rules. ⁣ About what looked good on me. ⁣ ⁣ Light colored solid leggings were out. They showed every ounce of cellulite. ⁣ No matter how pretty I thought the colors were they were a No. ⁣ ⁣ Spandex shorts of

You can have the Big Lips

You can have the ⁣ Big Lips⁣ Taut starving⁣ Belly⁣ Shrinking back toward your⁣ Spine ⁣ Get off on the ⁣ Indentations⁣ Of your skin toward the ⁣ Bone⁣ The way it⁣ Stretches⁣ over your hips⁣ You can wax your pussy⁣ Bare⁣ Fill your breasts with plastic⁣ Bags⁣ Inject your brows⁣ To make them⁣ Smooth⁣ Paste on⁣ Eyelashes ⁣ Eat ⁣ Less ⁣ You can

Here are some hints you have disordered eating

Here are some hints you have disordered eating:⁣ ⁣ You would choose to *not eat* a meal over eating McDonald’s ⁣ ⁣ You think some foods are not real food⁣ ⁣ You feel superior for your way of eating ⁣ ⁣ You feel good about yourself for not eating certain food groups⁣ ⁣ You are scared of certain food groups⁣ ⁣ You think eating at