RECENT POSTS • WRITING ARCHIVEBOOKS

The journey of eating more has been long & slow

In August of 2020 I had a call with a woman who told me I needed to eat. I was telling her about this thing that I did. How I would wait many hours to eat breakfast growing grumpier by the second. How I would feel annoyed at my body for being hungry. How it would happen all over again at lunch and I hated

Something I love about Jordan is the way he will compliment other women

Something I love about Jordan is the way he will compliment other women ⁣ I know he does it when I’m not there but he also does it when I am. ⁣ ⁣ He will tell them how they have the most amazing eyes⁣ How he likes their eyebrows ⁣ Or their makeup⁣ Or their outfit⁣ Or their presence ⁣ ⁣ He will ask about

I have often felt like I’ve had to apologize for the size that I am

I have often felt like I’ve had to apologize for the size that I am. ⁣ ⁣ For the way that my entrance into people’s lives seems to shake them up, show them things they would rather not have seen. ⁣ ⁣ I literally sometimes want to be like “I am sorry that you know me because you didn’t choose this” ⁣ Though I have

I am often suspicious when other people tell me they “have” to do something

I am often suspicious when people tell me they “have to” do something. ⁣ ⁣ Because it is rare that something has to be done. ⁣ ⁣ But I have work⁣ But I don’t have enough money ⁣ But this person needs my response⁣ But I said I would⁣ ⁣ If you had a contagious illness and couldn’t get out of bed then what would

The first time I finally felt full – crying while eating a burger

Here is the link to the video this post is referencing. On Sunday after a long day at the spa we went to get burgers. ⁣ ⁣ I looked at the menu. ⁣ ⁣ Last time we were at this place I built my own burger with only my approved ingredients and I got a lettuce bun. ⁣ Lettuce buns are so sad I just

Sad celebration of the life of my past self

A month and a half ago I went to the beach. I was in my new, bigger body, but I hadn’t fully inhabited her yet. I felt like I was letting go of the girl – really she was slowly being pulled away from me – but I wasn’t yet fully in my woman. I got on a call with Perri, crying, and she said

I like luxury

I like luxury. ⁣ ⁣ I like to be dirty on the forest floor too but I always end up needing to come back to my clean sheets and pretty things. ⁣ ⁣ When I was younger I would stay in $3 hostels ridden with bugs and I adored it. ⁣ ⁣ I really identified with scarcity. ⁣ ⁣ Being able to survive on less.

The hardest parts about this process – real update of where I’m at

This process – of feeding myself more – has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took me months to realize the extent of my restrictions and to fully go All In. That only really happened in June. Some days I feel miserable. Where I’ve only slept 3 hours because I didn’t eat enough before bed because I was tired and just wanted to

We are nature & the earth is not grieving

I am actually super unattached to whether we get ourselves out of this mess we are in, as humanity. Sometimes people see me talk about how I use plastic or am not that concerned with whether my choices are “sustainable” or eating meat and they interpret that as me not caring about the earth. Which is so funny. Because it is all that I care

My journey of becoming

I had to do it in steps. First, my brother’s accident, writing about the pain. Then writing about my skin, my attachment to makeup, letting that go. I remember that being the scariest thing I had ever done at that time. For my entire teenage life I had plastered my face in foundation. I carried it everywhere. I did not let anyone see me without