RECENT POSTS • WRITING ARCHIVE

There is wisdom in your anger – this is how you process it

There is wisdom in your anger. We get taught not to acknowledge anger, not to express it. We grow up hearing, “Don’t get angry, it’s unattractive. Be nice, be quiet, be accommodating. Calm down, you’re overreacting.” We hear about “anger management.” We learn that anger is a thing to be controlled, softened, dissipated. And then on top of that, many mindfulness communities teach that feeling

How to love your period even when it’s painful

I have endometriosis. Endometriosis is a condition where your uterine lining grows outside of your uterus. It’s estimated more than 10% of women have it, though the real number is probably higher, since it often goes undiagnosed. You can have endo without any pain or symptoms. Symptoms I have experienced from endo are: cramps so painful that I throw up, multiple ovarian cysts that have

How I got over my breakup in 3 weeks

I went through a breakup last summer. We had been dating for two and a half years, and had been best friends for eight. We traveled the world together and had finally settled in California. He was a very significant part of my life, and I loved him deeply. We broke up in the beginning of June … and by the end of the month

You can get wet every single time you have sex

If your body isn’t on board, then the chances are high that you shouldn’t be, either. There’s this movement in women’s health that claims that our bodies don’t always match our experience. The oft-recommended book, Dr. Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are (which is great, in many areas), defines this as “arousal nonconcordance.”  The idea behind arousal nonconcordance is that you can be super aroused

Every relationship has a lesson. What lesson do you want to be learning?

At the end of my last relationship, I felt stuck. My body was already grieving. I had been crying for days, weeks. I couldn’t understand why I had such a sinking feeling in my stomach when mentally, I still felt unclear about it all. I really loved him. We were finally having the conversations I wished we had been having the entire time: conversations full

You were never a virgin and nothing was ever taken from you

You were never a virgin. You were never “pure” You were never a perfect, innocent baby, untouched by the dirtiness that is…. sex   Your body was the universe Your pussy dripped nectar You could never give her away, you were Whole to begin with   It was a lie. It was not a myth, it was an outright, purposeful lie. It was meant to

How to have super long orgasms (and what they actually sound like)

I watched the third episode of Gwyneth Paltrow’s The Goop Lab this week, entitled “The Pleasure is Ours,” after seeing so many people on my newsfeed rave about it… and I was disappointed. Most of the episode was beautiful. They talk candidly about female pleasure, about asking for what you want in bed, and they show multiple vulvas of different shapes and colors on screen

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to. I have coached men who have broken down in tears from the way they were ridiculed by women. I have coached men who have remembered abuse for the first time. I have coached men who have had such horrific childhoods that they find solace in incel Internet forums. I have coached Christian, Trump-loving men who

The difference between submission and surrender

When I tell women that I consider myself submissive to my partner, they often cringe. “Submit?!” They say. “No… what about surrender?” I get it. “Surrender” feels gentler.* It conjures up a flowing, radiant woman, softening herself toward her partner. “Submit” feels dirty. It feels intense. It makes our bodies cringe, it reminds us of allll past conditioning saying “women must submit to men.” And

There is room for both your boundaries and your feminine radiance

*a note! Someone offered the terms “guide” and “surrenderer” as replacements for “masculine” and “feminine.” This is helpful if you are caught up in the idea that masculine and feminine energies must relate to gender. They do not. This piece elaborates on this a bit more. I’m still considering if our language has any other terms that would work (“guide” and “surrenderer” don’t sum it