This body wants sex. ⁣

A week ago or so something happened and my desire for sex just fully unlocked. ⁣

I don’t know what it was. A culmination of a lot of things, I think. Years of work with sexual energy and the dismantling of conditioning and suddenly I am feeling my pure desire. ⁣

And maybe just eating. A fully nourished body wants sex. ⁣

The feeling has been very similar to how I’ve felt with food. Where it is like – what if I allow myself to have more than enough? What if I really have as much as I want?⁣

Uncovering my hunger and really seeing it has been terrifying because it feels like it might never go away. Will never be satiated. ⁣

Better to just keep it under wraps. ⁣

My friend @olivialaraowen led us in a workshop today called FROTH. ⁣

All this sexual energy flowing through my body had me orgasm just from dancing, moving, just thrusting my hips. ⁣

It flowed through like maybe it would never end. ⁣

And at the end I laid on my mat on the floor on my back. With my legs open, feet on the floor, knees open. ⁣

And suddenly I was transported to Greece. ⁣

Into church. ⁣

Where I have been before. ⁣

I could smell the incense and heard them shaking the water and the songs in a language I cannot understand. ⁣

And I felt this so clearly through my body: this desire is HOLY. ⁣

For years I have felt a kind of freedom with sex. But a lot of it was laced with a “fuck you,” it had a lot of rebellion. An I’m not allowed to have this so watch me have it anyway. ⁣

And that was what I led with. In business in my image in my writing. A fighting type of energy that women should be allowed to enjoy sex. ⁣

But not until this week has that desire felt suddenly cleaned out. ⁣

No longer laced with a fuck you. ⁣

No getting off on the rebellion. ⁣

But just a clear “I want this.”⁣

I think Jordan and I have had more sex this week than we’ve had in the past couple months combined. ⁣

There are no more narratives running through my mind. Like “I’m too tired,” “he should initiate more,” “I don’t want to explain what I want,” “I just need xyz to feel open.”⁣

Just all gone. ⁣

And today as I lay on the floor and I could see this white light. ⁣

Connecting me to this universe. To god as a woman. The feminine. ⁣

Coursing through my body straight from the sky into the earth. ⁣

And I heard all the church sounds around me and I felt my sex. ⁣

My pleasure as mine. ⁣

No rebellion. Just truly sacred. ⁣

I could feel how I am just allowed to want it. ⁣

And I am allowed to fill up on it. ⁣

I rarely use the word holy but this came through so strongly. ⁣

Just dropped right into my body. ⁣

That this is truly holy. ⁣

 

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Sometimes he will be soft