“I’m moody,” I whined. ⁣

“I don’t want to be touched. I feel annoyed at everything.”⁣

“You haven’t been well-fucked in like a week,” he said. ⁣

He had been sick. I had been stressing about work. ⁣

He said, “Yeah. I want to tie you up and fuck you.”⁣

My body lit up, not even by choice. Yes, she whispered. That’s what we want. ⁣

A while later, he was binding my hands and spanking my ass. ⁣

“Good girl,” he said, as I began dripping. ⁣

I came over and over, orgasms happening for minutes at a time, never ending. ⁣

I felt my body exploding, opening, like it was dissolving into stars⁣

Only focused on my body. He never entered me. ⁣

“Mercy,” I said, finally ⁣

He stopped. I felt the tears well to the surface. ⁣

He noticed. He put his hand on my heart. ⁣

“My love,” he said. ⁣

The tears started falling, releasing the emotions I had been storing all week in my body. No particular reason, just how my body was feeling. ⁣

He held me. And just as I was quieting down, the random playlist switched to the song that is my deepest reminder of my brother’s accident. ⁣

Of course. ⁣

My body already feeling wide open, I started sobbing, getting louder and louder. ⁣

“Can you keep holding me while I scream into a pillow?” I asked quietly, through my tears. ⁣

He handed me a pillow and wrapped his arms around me and I wailed, growled, screamed all my grief out loud. ⁣

I yelled out all the anguish in my body, the unfairness of losing someone so close to me. ⁣

Almost 8 years and sometimes it still feels like my heart will break forever. ⁣

He held me, his head buried in my neck while I cried. ⁣

“I don’t think it’s going to stop,” I said. ⁣

“That’s okay,” he said gently. ⁣

Eventually it did, after I had long ago given it full permission not to. My face, swollen. ⁣

He looked at me and said, “I am so in love with you.”⁣

My body, which had felt so angry and shut off in the morning …. felt tingly and expansive, open and at peace. ⁣

This is the healing power of sexual energy⁣

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