For pretty much all of my life, I’ve had this pattern of wanting to be told that I’m “doing a good job.”
When I was little, I was super praised for being good at things. For my grades, my athleticism, my performance.
I was praised for my “light,” for my happiness and ability to put my emotions to the side to benefit others.
I was praised for my beauty – not my natural beauty, but the parts of me that others validated as important. My butt, my breasts, my “hot” ness.
My way of looking at the world turned into: “Am I doing a good job?”
As I got older, I searched it out EVERYWHERE. I wanted to know that someone, anyone, approved of what I did. The internet. Random men. My parents. My partners.
“Tell me I’m doing a good job,” I would say to Jordan, at the beginning of our relationship.
I knew the validation had to come from myself first. So I would try to say to my inner child, “You’re doing a good job.”
These last few weeks I have really started to sink in to a pure, deep feminine way of “doing” business. Really, of being in service.
Women are signing up for WOUND almost every day at the moment. My 1:1 coaching is more in demand, sales come through my website every night, my bank account is higher than it’s ever been.
By all accounts, I should be having a FIELD DAY with my “I’m doing a good job” pattern.
But it’s not there anymore.
For the first time in my entire life, it’s just completely disappeared, fallen away. The words hold no charge.
Because suddenly it’s clear that it’s not really me. I haven’t been “doing” anything.
I’ve just been opening to the energy, allowing the energy to pour through me.
And the energy is pulling people in. Effortlessly.
And I’m just laying here like… wow.
There was never anything to “do.”
I never had to be “good at” anything.
I am intrinsically worthy. And my only role is to open to what wants to come through me.
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