One of the most important roles of the feminine is to call out and question the masculine.
In a high-polarity relationship, the masculine leads. He* is direct, logical, and steady. He is a provider, he shows up fully, and he helps the feminine live her best life possible.
And sometimes he misses his own blind spots.
The feminine is intuitive, feeling. She will immediately sense when something is off. She will be able to point out where the masculine is out of integrity, or could be showing up better in his life.
All too often, women point out where men are out of integrity, and men collapse, get defensive, feel insecure, or retaliate.
And what I want men to know is this:
It’s not about the specific thing she’s naming. All she wants to know is that she can trust you.
She wants to trust that you will be able to own it and take responsibility when she’s accurate. She wants to trust that you can receive whatever she is bringing to you and not lose control of your emotional response.
She wants to know that she is with a man who values the truth she brings to his life.
And perhaps more importantly, but less talked about… she also wants to trust that you will call her out when she is wrong.
(Hopefully, you already trust your partner’s vision for your life. Hopefully she believes in it fully, and she knows what you want for yourself, she envisions it even higher, and she is dedicated to helping you get there. If you’re in a relationship where you’re not sure if you actually trust her, then you should start there, and this piece is not for you.)
Many times your partner’s truth will be absolutely correct. She will name when you said you would do something but you didn’t, and when you said you wanted something for yourself but didn’t take any action toward it. She’ll tell you when you’re getting caught up in your own stories. She’ll name where you aren’t showing up for her fully. She’ll point out where you are out of alignment with yourself.
And she’ll want you to own these things. To say, “This makes sense. I see how this is true, and I am working/will work toward this.” She wants to know that you see it too, that you also want to shift. She doesn’t need – or expect – you to change everything overnight.
Honestly. She has been with many men who have shrunk away from her truth, who have sulked or yelled or lashed out.
The main thing she wants to know is that you can simply sit with what she’s bringing you and consider it.
When I tell my partner something about himself that I feel scared to name, something I’m afraid of saying because I’m afraid he’ll get hurt and I’ll feel guilty and worse than I did before I named it… and he sits there, unphased… still loving me… it doesn’t even matter that much what he does or says next. My entire body immediately relaxes.
In the moment of her bringing it to you, she just needs to know that you will not collapse.
Because she will not always see you clearly. She will see you through her own projections, her past experiences, and her own desires. The clearer she is with her own body and her own intuition, the more often she will be accurate.
And sometimes she won’t be, no matter how much work she does.
The secret she’s holding is that she knows she’s not always right.
Sometimes she is testing you, even (and most often) when she doesn’t know she’s doing it. It is the role of the feminine to test the masculine. To see if you stay steady and centered, in alignment with who you are, when she names something that is untrue and actually hurts.
She is testing you to see if you melt. If you shrink. If you are afraid of her, if you cannot be with things that feel hard.
She does not want to be with a man who cannot sit with discomfort. And she also does not want to be with a man that she feels she can walk all over.
You can absolutely feel your emotional response, and you should. Sometimes that is the most honest way to show her she is wrong, by showing her your pain.
But what she wants in that moment is for you to not get lost in it.
What she’s really looking for is to sense that she can trust your response to her own intuition.
She wants to know that she can bring anything to you and be able to trust that you will have a response that is for both of your benefit.
The relationship that is most powerful is when the masculine acts, the feminine names her feelings, and the masculine responds, honest and unafraid, taking what she is saying into consideration.
*The masculine person in the relationship is not always male – I’ve written more about this elsewhere, particularly here and here.
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