Self Love

Healing my inner teenager & being hungry before bed

Last night Jordan and I stayed up talking for a few hours, lying in bed. It was close to midnight and right as we were ready to sleep I realized I was starving. When I was little, there were nights where I would lie in bed, not wanting to go to sleep because I was hungry. I would say “I’m hungry” and my mom would

Gaining weight: the first two months, going shopping

I have gained around 14 pounds in the last two months. It’s hard to say exactly; weighing myself wasn’t a big habit of mine. But my weight has hovered around 133 for the past 5 or 6 years (aside from a few months years ago where I was lifting a ton and it got up to 138 or so). And I think I last knew

Food & ice cream & weight gain & nourishment (the beginning)

I have been eating ice cream every day. This is a far cry from the woman I was last year, who thought sugar was dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. And it’s even farther from the 20-year-old who cut out food groups, did “cleanses” where she did not eat, was paranoid of eating basically anything, and desperately tried to “fix” her body. This

Here are some things you might not like about me

Here are some things you might not like about me: These are just some things I think you should know ahead of time. I eat meat. And use plastic and love Amazon and buy new clothes and I care about the earth a lot all at the same time. I talk to trees and plants and rocks and all of the earth. And they talk

Self-sacrifice is not love

I grew up with a model of love called “sacrifice yourself for somebody else.” Love meant abandoning one’s own needs in order to meet the perceived needs of others. But what this creates is the inability to love your own self deeply. And it’s actually not love. Love does not require abandoning what is true in order to make somebody feel better. The truth is

Hotel room transmission part 1: feeling the truth, body love, & full desire

I was supposed to arrive here last night. I had booked three nights. At a luxury hotel, quite close to my apartment in Vancouver. Jordan and I have been doing this during Covid to have space from one another. There is much to say about the benefits of solo hotel stays; I might make a video about that tomorrow. I was supposed to check in

The Fitness World is Built to Disconnect You From Your Body

One time, I worked for a few months at a gym. As a personal trainer. It is one of the very few times in my life where I’ve had a “boss.” My boss was a man named Cedric. Personal training was a sales position, and Cedric taught me how to sell. This meant that I had to walk up to people in the gym and

Your Ego Will Tell You That You Need to Have Goals

Your ego will tell you lots of enticing things.   It will tell you that you need to have goals. That once you hit that money milestone or get to that perfect weight or find the perfect husband – that then you will have made it. Then you will be happy. Then you will have what you want. Most people spend their entire lives chasing

When You Set Boundaries Other People Will Call You Selfish

I have been called Selfish more times than I can count. Self-centered. Unaccommodating. Uncompromising. A bitch. All words that people who do not have boundaries will throw at you when you set your own. They will say them because it will trigger the fuck out of the fact that they do not know what it means to set their own. I have set some of

A woman called me ugly and this is how I responded

Somebody wrote to Jordan last night to tell him that I was ugly and to ask why he kept posting about me. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ This woman has based her career on being a model (and is now a dating coach).⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I spent my entire teenage life thinking that my looks were the only source of my value. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I spent so much time