Relationships

To the masculine: she just wants to know that she can trust you

One of the most important roles of the feminine is to call out and question the masculine. In a high-polarity relationship, the masculine leads. He* is direct, logical, and steady. He is a provider, he shows up fully, and he helps the feminine live her best life possible. And sometimes he misses his own blind spots. The feminine is intuitive, feeling. She will immediately sense

7 things to do if you need space from your partner during quarantine

Space is a non-negotiable, essential need for me. I came across an article recently about how distance is the little-known sixth love language; it resonated with me. Jordan will typically leave our apartment for 5-10 hours during the day, as many times a month as needed, whenever I feel cagey. When we made our love lists, filled with ways to love one another better, giving

Tell your partner when you self-pleasure. Not because he owns your body, but because you do

Tell your partner when you self-pleasure Not because he owns your body, but because you do.   Touch yourself slowly, deeply, lovingly Have long orgasms, and quick ones Spend hours, spend seconds Soak your sheets.   Say, I’m going to self pleasure in the other room, now Not because I don’t love you but because I love myself, and sometimes I want to remind myself

8 ways to fight better with your partner

I often hear this narrative – even from other relationship coaches – that it’s “normal” to fight with our partners in a way where we feel resentful, notice everything that’s wrong with them, and yell at one another. I feel annoyed by this, because while this might be typical, it’s not useful, and it’s not necessary. Having someone yell at you means their anger is

How I got over my breakup in 3 weeks

I went through a breakup last summer. We had been dating for two and a half years, and had been best friends for eight. We traveled the world together and had finally settled in California. He was a very significant part of my life, and I loved him deeply. We broke up in the beginning of June … and by the end of the month

Every relationship has a lesson. What lesson do you want to be learning?

At the end of my last relationship, I felt stuck. My body was already grieving. I had been crying for days, weeks. I couldn’t understand why I had such a sinking feeling in my stomach when mentally, I still felt unclear about it all. I really loved him. We were finally having the conversations I wished we had been having the entire time: conversations full

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to. I have coached men who have broken down in tears from the way they were ridiculed by women. I have coached men who have remembered abuse for the first time. I have coached men who have had such horrific childhoods that they find solace in incel Internet forums. I have coached Christian, Trump-loving men who

The difference between submission and surrender

When I tell women that I consider myself submissive to my partner, they often cringe. “Submit?!” They say. “No… what about surrender?” I get it. “Surrender” feels gentler.* It conjures up a flowing, radiant woman, softening herself toward her partner. “Submit” feels dirty. It feels intense. It makes our bodies cringe, it reminds us of allll past conditioning saying “women must submit to men.” And

There is room for both your boundaries and your feminine radiance

*a note! Someone offered the terms “guide” and “surrenderer” as replacements for “masculine” and “feminine.” This is helpful if you are caught up in the idea that masculine and feminine energies must relate to gender. They do not. This piece elaborates on this a bit more. I’m still considering if our language has any other terms that would work (“guide” and “surrenderer” don’t sum it

How to ask for things in a more feminine way

(which results in you becoming enchanting and having life altering screaming crying growling sex and going down on your partner in the kitchen and you know all those other things you want the most but pretend you don’t) If you want polarity in your relationship (read: magnetic attraction) one of you has to take the masculine, dominant role, and one of you has to take