Food + Body

Everything to do with my food journey & weight gain in chronological order

this photo was taken in June. Hi loves! My food journey has turned into something bigger than I could ever have imagined (honestly, I thought I was just going to write the first article and be done with it, lol – but that has not been the case!) And I have been updating about it wherever I’ve felt like it – that means there are

I have never owned shorts like this in my life

The video that went along with this is here. I have never ever owned shorts like this in my life. ⁣ ⁣ I had Rules. ⁣ About what looked good on me. ⁣ ⁣ Light colored solid leggings were out. They showed every ounce of cellulite. ⁣ No matter how pretty I thought the colors were they were a No. ⁣ ⁣ Spandex shorts of

Here are some hints you have disordered eating

Here are some hints you have disordered eating:⁣ ⁣ You would choose to *not eat* a meal over eating McDonald’s ⁣ ⁣ You think some foods are not real food⁣ ⁣ You feel superior for your way of eating ⁣ ⁣ You feel good about yourself for not eating certain food groups⁣ ⁣ You are scared of certain food groups⁣ ⁣ You think eating at

The journey of eating more has been long & slow

In August of 2020 I had a call with a woman who told me I needed to eat. I was telling her about this thing that I did. How I would wait many hours to eat breakfast growing grumpier by the second. How I would feel annoyed at my body for being hungry. How it would happen all over again at lunch and I hated

The first time I finally felt full – crying while eating a burger

Here is the link to the video this post is referencing. On Sunday after a long day at the spa we went to get burgers. ⁣ ⁣ I looked at the menu. ⁣ ⁣ Last time we were at this place I built my own burger with only my approved ingredients and I got a lettuce bun. ⁣ Lettuce buns are so sad I just

Sad celebration of the life of my past self

A month and a half ago I went to the beach. I was in my new, bigger body, but I hadn’t fully inhabited her yet. I felt like I was letting go of the girl – really she was slowly being pulled away from me – but I wasn’t yet fully in my woman. I got on a call with Perri, crying, and she said

The hardest parts about this process – real update of where I’m at

This process – of feeding myself more – has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took me months to realize the extent of my restrictions and to fully go All In. That only really happened in June. Some days I feel miserable. Where I’ve only slept 3 hours because I didn’t eat enough before bed because I was tired and just wanted to

TRULY GOING ALL IN – normal grocery stores, processed food, and up 40 lbs

I’m sitting here with a bowl of instant ramen. While the water was boiling I held the package, bright green plastic crinkling in my hands. There must have been 30 ingredients. Mostly things I couldn’t pronounce. MSG. Flavorings. Chemicals. And I watched as my mind wanted to freak the fuck out and I said this is actually going to make us healthier. This is what

This body wants sex

This body wants sex. ⁣ ⁣ A week ago or so something happened and my desire for sex just fully unlocked. ⁣ ⁣ I don’t know what it was. A culmination of a lot of things, I think. Years of work with sexual energy and the dismantling of conditioning and suddenly I am feeling my pure desire. ⁣ ⁣ And maybe just eating. A fully

I’ve gained 30 lbs: feeding myself fully & trusting my hunger

133. 147. 162. I think some people think I am trying to gain weight. But that’s not true. The weight gain has been a byproduct of fully listening to my actual hunger. Letting my body tell me what it wants instead of judging it, controlling it, trying to fix it, or make it be the way I think it should be. So when I look