Emotions

The wisdom of fire

Today in DIRT embodiment we played around with the energy of burning.  And the difference between external outrage and internal rage.  My Facebook has been having this glitch where it’s mostly only showing posts from people I’ve unfollowed.  It’s been like a weird time warp where the only energy I can feel there is my two years ago self.  I have been astounded. It is

The erotic nature of disgust

I find disgust to be one of the most potent teachers.  Disgust often points to desire.  A deep, disapproved of place of desire in the body.  So forbidden that it has disguised itself and come back in killer form.  People have often wondered how I have 0 insecurity around sex  How my body looks during sex How I can scream and growl and cry and

Freedom comes from not being a victim

Coddling and soothing your trauma will be helpful for a period of time but will not lead you to freedom. We have a strong current culture right now that is very oriented around not triggering people and generally tip-toeing on eggshells around anything that might upset them. Even when I dare to suggest in one tiny sentence in my stories that women might create their

Ten years later

– if you are newer to me and aren’t familiar with this part of my journey, it might help to read last year’s post (click on this, it doesn’t look clickable but it is) before reading this. Today has been 10 years. I find myself, for the first time, not that interested in writing. Every year for ten years on this day I have made

Gaining weight: the first two months, going shopping

I have gained around 14 pounds in the last two months. It’s hard to say exactly; weighing myself wasn’t a big habit of mine. But my weight has hovered around 133 for the past 5 or 6 years (aside from a few months years ago where I was lifting a ton and it got up to 138 or so). And I think I last knew

RUNNING ON EMPTY: the pattern of not nourishing yourself until it is too late

I used to have this pattern of waiting until the absolute last minute before giving myself something I needed. I would wait until my bank account was at $0 and my credit card bill was a day overdue before transferring money over from other accounts in order to pay it. I would wait until I totally ran out of a hair product to order more

NO MORE TRIGGER WARNINGS

I have gone down the trigger warning hole before. I started my posts with warning! This piece references assault. Wanting to protect the world from their responses. I thought that it was a kind thing to do. You know what used to send me into a trigger? A full-blown body response, where I’d have to breathe off an impending panic attack? Anybody telling a story

Leaning In While Fighting and the Urge to Run Away

Occasionally, when Jordan and I are fighting, I have the urge to go sleep on the living room floor. It always happens during a fight when my ego is especially wounded, where something he said touched something really deep And a part of me wants to win, to make him hurt too, to “show him,” and to sleep in the other room. Or if it

You Don’t “Have” Anxiety

You don’t “have” anxiety. Anxiety is something that you *feel* because of past experiences in your life and the way you learned to respond. It also tends to be the result of built-up stored emotion. Anxiety is not something that is happening to you. It is not attached to you like a thing you cannot control. The way we speak about things matters. The first

Your Ego Will Tell You That You Need to Have Goals

Your ego will tell you lots of enticing things.   It will tell you that you need to have goals. That once you hit that money milestone or get to that perfect weight or find the perfect husband – that then you will have made it. Then you will be happy. Then you will have what you want. Most people spend their entire lives chasing