Emotions

Gaining weight: the first two months, going shopping

I have gained around 14 pounds in the last two months. It’s hard to say exactly; weighing myself wasn’t a big habit of mine. But my weight has hovered around 133 for the past 5 or 6 years (aside from a few months years ago where I was lifting a ton and it got up to 138 or so). And I think I last knew
Posted May 2, 2021
10 mins read

RUNNING ON EMPTY: the pattern of not nourishing yourself until it is too late

I used to have this pattern of waiting until the absolute last minute before giving myself something I needed. I would wait until my bank account was at $0 and my credit card bill was a day overdue before transferring money over from other accounts in order to pay it. I would wait until I totally ran out of a hair product to order more
Posted April 15, 2021
3 mins read

NO MORE TRIGGER WARNINGS

I have gone down the trigger warning hole before. I started my posts with warning! This piece references assault. Wanting to protect the world from their responses. I thought that it was a kind thing to do. You know what used to send me into a trigger? A full-blown body response, where I’d have to breathe off an impending panic attack? Anybody telling a story
Posted April 3, 2021
3 mins read

Leaning In While Fighting and the Urge to Run Away

Occasionally, when Jordan and I are fighting, I have the urge to go sleep on the living room floor. It always happens during a fight when my ego is especially wounded, where something he said touched something really deep And a part of me wants to win, to make him hurt too, to “show him,” and to sleep in the other room. Or if it
Posted March 1, 2021
3 mins read

You Don’t “Have” Anxiety

You don’t “have” anxiety. Anxiety is something that you *feel* because of past experiences in your life and the way you learned to respond. It also tends to be the result of built-up stored emotion. Anxiety is not something that is happening to you. It is not attached to you like a thing you cannot control. The way we speak about things matters. The first
Posted February 19, 2021
3 mins read

Your Ego Will Tell You That You Need to Have Goals

Your ego will tell you lots of enticing things.   It will tell you that you need to have goals. That once you hit that money milestone or get to that perfect weight or find the perfect husband – that then you will have made it. Then you will be happy. Then you will have what you want. Most people spend their entire lives chasing
Posted January 26, 2021
5 mins read

Do you cry during sex? There’s nothing wrong with you

Many years ago, I was with friends of friends and they were talking about a girl who cried during sex. ⁣ ⁣ “Can you imagine?” one of them said. “I would never do that.”⁣ ⁣ One of my clients told me yesterday that she cried during sex and asked me if something was wrong with her. ⁣ ⁣ CRYING IS A WAY WE RELEASE EMOTION.
Posted December 13, 2020
2 mins read

Sudden bursts of sensation within my body

The past few weeks I’ve been getting sudden bursts of sensation within my body. ⁣ ⁣ Like a giddiness, a bubbling up of delight. ⁣ ⁣ Suddenly, it’ll push at the edges of my skin, behind my eyes, a gentle explosion up through my belly⁣ ⁣ My skin will tingle and I’ll take a breath in and just be like: wow, life⁣ ⁣ It feels
Posted December 9, 2020
2 mins read

The massive call of the earth – that is me

“Like a primitive, shrieking banshee call,” she said. ⁣ ⁣ “That’s the energy I want to feel more, from you.”⁣ ⁣ I pretended to feel confused, for a moment. ⁣ ⁣ I thought, she’s wrong. That’s not the energy I need. ⁣ But it wasn’t confusion. It was avoidance. And I could feel the truth in my body. ⁣ ⁣ Later, we were asked to
Posted December 7, 2020
2 mins read

9 years ago today I lost my brother

Last night I went looking for her, the girl I was 9 years ago, the girl who lost her brother. I re-activated my first Facebook ever. I remembered writing messages to Damon, while he sat unconscious in the ICU, because I didn’t know how else to talk to him. Talking directly to him was weird, because he didn’t respond. So I wrote my messages through
Posted December 3, 2020
5 mins read