Desire

Hotel room transmission part 1: feeling the truth, body love, & full desire

I was supposed to arrive here last night. I had booked three nights. At a luxury hotel, quite close to my apartment in Vancouver. Jordan and I have been doing this during Covid to have space from one another. There is much to say about the benefits of solo hotel stays; I might make a video about that tomorrow. I was supposed to check in

My desire to have our home cleaned and the tricky layers underneath it

We hadn’t had our apartment cleaned in a few months because of Covid. Once the cases started rising again in Vancouver, we stopped. I hate cleaning. Anything besides light cleaning makes me miserable. Which is why we had a cleaner in the first place. So when the cases rose and we canceled her, it just didn’t get done. I think I cleaned the bathrooms once,

My word for 2021

Two nights ago, I booked myself into the most luxurious hotel I could find in Vancouver. ⁣ ⁣ So much had been shifting so quickly that all I could feel was how much I needed to return to my own energy. ⁣ ⁣ I got off social media, I took the first few days completely off I’ve had in a while. ⁣ ⁣ Part of

Taking responsibility for your desire

A few weeks ago, I uncovered a pattern I had with Jordan. I would desire to have sex. But instead of naming my desire, I’d often just feel it inside my body and hope that he noticed. I’d think things to myself like, “I just want him to initiate more. To take control. I’ve been obvious enough, he probably doesn’t want to.” Sometimes I’d say

Do not rob yourself of the sensation of naming your true desire

Do not rob yourself of the sensation of naming your true desire Do not squeak it out of your mouth, mumble it, and look away Do not shove it back down into the box of you-can’t-have-this-you-don’t-deserve-this-they’re-going-to-react-this-way Do not send it over text message so you don’t have to witness their response Instead let it bubble up, let it spread throughout your body until you have

Spilling your sexual energy

I put my naked body all over the internet and I rarely ever attract unwanted sexual attention. ⁣ ⁣ When I was younger, I spilled my sexual energy all over the place. ⁣ ⁣ I wore super low-cut tops, showed as much skin as possible, flirted… all with the intention of being more attractive.⁣ ⁣ Really I was trying to get validation. ⁣ ⁣ I

The eroticism of being seen

Being seen is deeply terrifying. ⁣ ⁣ And it’s also fucking hot. ⁣ ⁣ And what we sometimes miss in the desire to be seen is that the appeal of it actually comes from your willingness to feel all of the sensations. ⁣ ⁣ Terror included. ⁣ ⁣ We LOVE feeling terror. ⁣ ⁣ There is something so tingly, so exciting, so ALIVE about letting

We crave the things that are bad for us

Every few months, my victimized inner teenager will win and I’ll have a pizza binge. Pizza makes my body very sick. I’ve been eating a specific diet this year. Not an overly-restricted, no-exceptions kind of diet – but more a “I have to admit that my body no longer tolerates certain foods” kind of diet. It is so closely related to the inner work I’ve

You desire the things that secretly disgust you

A couple years ago, I was listening to Carolyn Elliott talking about embodying your sexual opposite. The idea was to experiment with taking on the identity that you hate the most. I knew what mine was. I knew what sexual archetype ABSOLUTELY disgusted me. It was the image of a Playboy Bunny-esque type of woman, saying in this sly, submissive voice, “I like that Daddy.”