Desire

I am often suspicious when other people tell me they “have” to do something

I am often suspicious when people tell me they “have to” do something. ⁣ ⁣ Because it is rare that something has to be done. ⁣ ⁣ But I have work⁣ But I don’t have enough money ⁣ But this person needs my response⁣ But I said I would⁣ ⁣ If you had a contagious illness and couldn’t get out of bed then what would

I like luxury

I like luxury. ⁣ ⁣ I like to be dirty on the forest floor too but I always end up needing to come back to my clean sheets and pretty things. ⁣ ⁣ When I was younger I would stay in $3 hostels ridden with bugs and I adored it. ⁣ ⁣ I really identified with scarcity. ⁣ ⁣ Being able to survive on less.

RUNNING ON EMPTY: the pattern of not nourishing yourself until it is too late

I used to have this pattern of waiting until the absolute last minute before giving myself something I needed. I would wait until my bank account was at $0 and my credit card bill was a day overdue before transferring money over from other accounts in order to pay it. I would wait until I totally ran out of a hair product to order more

Hotel room transmission part 1: feeling the truth, body love, & full desire

I was supposed to arrive here last night. I had booked three nights. At a luxury hotel, quite close to my apartment in Vancouver. Jordan and I have been doing this during Covid to have space from one another. There is much to say about the benefits of solo hotel stays; I might make a video about that tomorrow. I was supposed to check in

My desire to have our home cleaned and the tricky layers underneath it

We hadn’t had our apartment cleaned in a few months because of Covid. Once the cases started rising again in Vancouver, we stopped. I hate cleaning. Anything besides light cleaning makes me miserable. Which is why we had a cleaner in the first place. So when the cases rose and we canceled her, it just didn’t get done. I think I cleaned the bathrooms once,

My word for 2021

Two nights ago, I booked myself into the most luxurious hotel I could find in Vancouver. ⁣ ⁣ So much had been shifting so quickly that all I could feel was how much I needed to return to my own energy. ⁣ ⁣ I got off social media, I took the first few days completely off I’ve had in a while. ⁣ ⁣ Part of

Taking responsibility for your desire

A few weeks ago, I uncovered a pattern I had with Jordan. I would desire to have sex. But instead of naming my desire, I’d often just feel it inside my body and hope that he noticed. I’d think things to myself like, “I just want him to initiate more. To take control. I’ve been obvious enough, he probably doesn’t want to.” Sometimes I’d say

Do not rob yourself of the sensation of naming your true desire

Do not rob yourself of the sensation of naming your true desire Do not squeak it out of your mouth, mumble it, and look away Do not shove it back down into the box of you-can’t-have-this-you-don’t-deserve-this-they’re-going-to-react-this-way Do not send it over text message so you don’t have to witness their response Instead let it bubble up, let it spread throughout your body until you have

Spilling your sexual energy

I put my naked body all over the internet and I rarely ever attract unwanted sexual attention. ⁣ ⁣ When I was younger, I spilled my sexual energy all over the place. ⁣ ⁣ I wore super low-cut tops, showed as much skin as possible, flirted… all with the intention of being more attractive.⁣ ⁣ Really I was trying to get validation. ⁣ ⁣ I

The eroticism of being seen

Being seen is deeply terrifying. ⁣ ⁣ And it’s also fucking hot. ⁣ ⁣ And what we sometimes miss in the desire to be seen is that the appeal of it actually comes from your willingness to feel all of the sensations. ⁣ ⁣ Terror included. ⁣ ⁣ We LOVE feeling terror. ⁣ ⁣ There is something so tingly, so exciting, so ALIVE about letting