Boundaries

There is wisdom in your anger – this is how you process it

There is wisdom in your anger. We get taught not to acknowledge anger, not to express it. We grow up hearing, “Don’t get angry, it’s unattractive. Be nice, be quiet, be accommodating. Calm down, you’re overreacting.” We hear about “anger management.” We learn that anger is a thing to be controlled, softened, dissipated. And then on top of that, many mindfulness communities teach that feeling

You can get wet every single time you have sex

If your body isn’t on board, then the chances are high that you shouldn’t be, either. There’s this movement in women’s health that claims that our bodies don’t always match our experience. The oft-recommended book, Dr. Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are (which is great, in many areas), defines this as “arousal nonconcordance.”  The idea behind arousal nonconcordance is that you can be super aroused

You were never a virgin and nothing was ever taken from you

You were never a virgin. You were never “pure” You were never a perfect, innocent baby, untouched by the dirtiness that is…. sex   Your body was the universe Your pussy dripped nectar You could never give her away, you were Whole to begin with   It was a lie. It was not a myth, it was an outright, purposeful lie. It was meant to

The difference between submission and surrender

When I tell women that I consider myself submissive to my partner, they often cringe. “Submit?!” They say. “No… what about surrender?” I get it. “Surrender” feels gentler.* It conjures up a flowing, radiant woman, softening herself toward her partner. “Submit” feels dirty. It feels intense. It makes our bodies cringe, it reminds us of allll past conditioning saying “women must submit to men.” And

There is room for both your boundaries and your feminine radiance

*a note! Someone offered the terms “guide” and “surrenderer” as replacements for “masculine” and “feminine.” This is helpful if you are caught up in the idea that masculine and feminine energies must relate to gender. They do not. This piece elaborates on this a bit more. I’m still considering if our language has any other terms that would work (“guide” and “surrenderer” don’t sum it

Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck

Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck and he was inside me and in theory, it was the same as the other times except this time he was angry. I had just broken up with him But I let myself be led back inside I let him have sex with me and I felt stunned that he was so mad and I shut my

“I don’t want to” is the only reason you need for saying no to anything, ever

“I don’t want to” is the only reason you ever need for saying no to anything, ever. ⁣ ⁣ Same with: “I’m not interested. I don’t like it. I changed my mind. No. Never. I don’t like you. Please stop talking to me.”⁣ ⁣ If we were raised female it can be especially hard to say these things. Because it is ingrained in us to