Boundaries

7 things to do if you need space from your partner during quarantine

Space is a non-negotiable, essential need for me. I came across an article recently about how distance is the little-known sixth love language; it resonated with me. Jordan will typically leave our apartment for 5-10 hours during the day, as many times a month as needed, whenever I feel cagey. When we made our love lists, filled with ways to love one another better, giving

51 real-life examples of how I set boundaries and ask for what I want during sex

When boundaries are spoken about in relation to sex, they’re usually only mentioned in terms of saying “yes” or “no” to being sexual as a whole. But what I’ve discovered is that the more I’ve become empowered around my own sexuality, the more I set boundaries in nuanced ways that I never would have imagined I could ask for before. The purpose of this post

You are not broken.

You are not broken. Look at the world around you: the dead plants, the cold evenings, the buds just beginning to rise through the frost. The moon, half empty. So. many. people. Endless people, people in their homes with their families and their cookware and their pets and their items that hold memories. I had an appointment today, an appointment at the doctor’s because my

8 ways to fight better with your partner

I often hear this narrative – even from other relationship coaches – that it’s “normal” to fight with our partners in a way where we feel resentful, notice everything that’s wrong with them, and yell at one another. I feel annoyed by this, because while this might be typical, it’s not useful, and it’s not necessary. Having someone yell at you means their anger is

This one thing is holding you back from feeling free to be who you are

If you do not know deeply, unshakably, that your body belongs to you, you will struggle. If you are not FOR yourself. If you are not in alignment with what your body wants first and foremost. Then you cannot have the life you really want. You will be forever burdened with thoughts of “if only” and “what if.” You will be anxious and unsettled and

There is wisdom in your anger – this is how you process it

There is wisdom in your anger. We get taught not to acknowledge anger, not to express it. We grow up hearing, “Don’t get angry, it’s unattractive. Be nice, be quiet, be accommodating. Calm down, you’re overreacting.” We hear about “anger management.” We learn that anger is a thing to be controlled, softened, dissipated. And then on top of that, many mindfulness communities teach that feeling

You can get wet every single time you have sex

If your body isn’t on board, then the chances are high that you shouldn’t be, either. There’s this movement in women’s health that claims that our bodies don’t always match our experience. The oft-recommended book, Dr. Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are (which is great, in many areas), defines this as “arousal nonconcordance.”  The idea behind arousal nonconcordance is that you can be super aroused

You were never a virgin and nothing was ever taken from you

You were never a virgin. You were never “pure” You were never a perfect, innocent baby, untouched by the dirtiness that is…. sex   Your body was the universe Your pussy dripped nectar You could never give her away, you were Whole to begin with   It was a lie. It was not a myth, it was an outright, purposeful lie. It was meant to

The difference between submission and surrender

When I tell women that I consider myself submissive to my partner, they often cringe. “Submit?!” They say. “No… what about surrender?” I get it. “Surrender” feels gentler.* It conjures up a flowing, radiant woman, softening herself toward her partner. “Submit” feels dirty. It feels intense. It makes our bodies cringe, it reminds us of allll past conditioning saying “women must submit to men.” And

There is room for both your boundaries and your feminine radiance

*a note! Someone offered the terms “guide” and “surrenderer” as replacements for “masculine” and “feminine.” This is helpful if you are caught up in the idea that masculine and feminine energies must relate to gender. They do not. This piece elaborates on this a bit more. I’m still considering if our language has any other terms that would work (“guide” and “surrenderer” don’t sum it