Month: January 2020

How to have super long orgasms (and what they actually sound like)

I watched the third episode of Gwyneth Paltrow’s The Goop Lab this week, entitled “The Pleasure is Ours,” after seeing so many people on my newsfeed rave about it… and I was disappointed. Most of the episode was beautiful. They talk candidly about female pleasure, about asking for what you want in bed, and they show multiple vulvas of different shapes and colors on screen

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to

I won’t hate men, the way you want me to. I have coached men who have broken down in tears from the way they were ridiculed by women. I have coached men who have remembered abuse for the first time. I have coached men who have had such horrific childhoods that they find solace in incel Internet forums. I have coached Christian, Trump-loving men who

The difference between submission and surrender

When I tell women that I consider myself submissive to my partner, they often cringe. “Submit?!” They say. “No… what about surrender?” I get it. “Surrender” feels gentler.* It conjures up a flowing, radiant woman, softening herself toward her partner. “Submit” feels dirty. It feels intense. It makes our bodies cringe, it reminds us of allll past conditioning saying “women must submit to men.” And

There is room for both your boundaries and your feminine radiance

*a note! Someone offered the terms “guide” and “surrenderer” as replacements for “masculine” and “feminine.” This is helpful if you are caught up in the idea that masculine and feminine energies must relate to gender. They do not. This piece elaborates on this a bit more. I’m still considering if our language has any other terms that would work (“guide” and “surrenderer” don’t sum it

How to ask for things in a more feminine way

(which results in you becoming enchanting and having life altering screaming crying growling sex and going down on your partner in the kitchen and you know all those other things you want the most but pretend you don’t) If you want polarity in your relationship (read: magnetic attraction) one of you has to take the masculine, dominant role, and one of you has to take

Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck

Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck and he was inside me and in theory, it was the same as the other times except this time he was angry. I had just broken up with him But I let myself be led back inside I let him have sex with me and I felt stunned that he was so mad and I shut my

maybe one day I will tell my children

maybe one day I will tell my children⁣ about days when I took baths full of water⁣ when I ran an online business⁣ maybe I will tell them about flavors evoked through cooking elaborate meals⁣ spices from the world around ⁣ while I watch a candle flicker on their faces⁣ ⁣ maybe I will tell them ⁣ the way flowers used to bloom⁣ the way